In the Moon Tarot card there is a vast sea pictured in the foreground, this represents our unconscious. In its depths are all our memories, our past, our pain and our greatest wound. Way down at the bottom where the crayfish dwells is our ‘stuff’ which is usually tightly bound up in a box of our own making. It is a courageous person that willingly takes the journey down to into the murky depths to retrieve their ‘stuff’. It is essential that we go down to these depths and bring out that box of ‘stuff’ so we can see it by the light of the Moon. If we don’t our ‘stuff’ will pop into our awareness at the most inconvenient times. It just doesn’t go away, it must be dealt with. For many, the fear of going down into the sea of the unconscious is more frightening than what the box contains. Remembering the last time you brought the box out into the light, the emotions you experienced and the way you felt as you looked at those hurts. Recalling the pain and distress they caused you at the time and trying to reconcile them within yourself can be overwhelming. The path we must follow when we crawl out of the sea is the path of instinct and it indicates we must follow that path straight through the middle of the mountains, trusting ourselves and relying on our inner compass to take us to the next stage of our healing journey. After recently becoming free of addiction I felt that there was a big blockage in my solar plexus but could not identify exactly what it was. I could feel a lump there and knew it was time to have some healing/insight to remove this block.
So I booked myself in with a Shamanic Healer that came highly recommended. I knew it was going to hurt but I was ready to dive down into my vast inner sea once again. As I was driving to the appointment I had a feeling that it was going to be a powerful healing experience for me. I have been healing my past for many years and now I was completely clean & sober I knew it was time for a big shift. The Shaman greeted me at the door and smudged me which I am very familiar with. We then went inside and sat in his sitting room where we had a chat. I spoke to him of my pain and my greatest wound which still remained unresolved in my unconsciousness and in my dreams. We then proceeded into his healing room. As soon as I lay on the table I knew it was going to be a profound experience as I could feel the emotions stirring deep inside me. We spoke of many parts of my past, going right back into my childhood – visualizing and healing things along the way. Then we got to the big one, a past relationship that ended when I was 32 years old A.K.A my greatest wound. This relationship with D lasted 9 years and I knew there was something different about it compared to all the others I had been in. As we worked through what happened and my feelings toward it the Healer went quiet. When he started talking to me again he indicated to me that there was a Soul Agreement in place within the relationship and we were in fact Soul Mates. The words that he spoke next provoked such a response from me which I never could have seen coming. He told me the following words were spoken between myself and D and these words were in our agreement “We will always be together, I will never leave you”. At that point I felt such an all encompassing sadness that words cannot describe, a primordial sound welled up from the depths of me and came out as a cry/sob/heart wrenching pain, I started sobbing uncontrollably. My Soul recognised those words and remembered our agreement along with the pain I had gone through 17 years ago. It took me some time to cry this out and to regain my composure (if that’s what you can call it). I continued to cry/sob for 5 days afterwards.
Since that day I have come to some resolve within myself and to understand more about myself and my past through that healing. Now when I look back it is like I am seeing someone I knew really well, rather than myself. I have great compassion for that woman and understand the grief she carried for so long. I was feeling a lot better after a very challenging and emotionally exhausting couple of weeks until a couple of days ago when I caught up with a fear friend. As I was speaking of my experience to her the emotions came back again & I started to cry in a busy cafe, with no tissues of course!!! I then knew it was finally time for me to write about my experience. So here it is. I am so relieved I no longer fear my inner world and to feel my emotions, the drugs put paid to all of that for a long time as I medicated myself against feeling anything at all. That journey down deep into the pool of my unconscious changed everything and has given me a much better understanding of what really lies at the bottom. It is not for the faint hearted. As I am currently experiencing my Chiron Return it is extremely appropriate that I took this healing journey and know I can move forward on my path until next time. I feel I can see things more clearly for now.
Though things can be extremely deceptive by the light of the Moon…